The Martinelli dream team at heaven’s gate

If at death I am taken before the Creator to judge me by my actions in earthly life, I would like to have on my side – as a technical defense – Martinelli’s team of lawyers, who will put in reasonable doubt not only my own words and my actions – in order to prolong my judgment to eternity – but I would hope that God would absolve me of my sins and let them be judged for wasting his  time writes Rolando Rodriguez in La Prensa.

The trial of Martinelli started years ago, but his tour in several countries to denounce his imaginary alleged political persecution stopped it until last June, after a year of fighting his extradition.

In comparison, one of the most powerful men in Brazil, the tycoon Marcelo Odebrecht, was arrested on June 19, 2015. His condemnatory sentence was heard – along with his 22 attorneys- on March 8, 2016.  it took Judge Sergio Moro to condemn him to  232 months in prison.

In Panama, the ex-ruler, who almost doubled the number of his supermarkets during his presidency, he arrived back Panama on June 11, although the entire judicial process against him began in 2015, precisely the year in which he started -and finished his international tour with a single stopover: Miami.

Well, when I’m accounting for my sins, I want [Martinelli lawyer] Carrillo to demand the unconstitutionality of the 10 commandments; and I will ask [Martinelli lawyer]  Sitton to question God’s legitimacy to judge me. It cannot be that my creator also judges me. That goes against my human rights. God cannot be judge and jury in any way. That surely goes against due process. Also, I’ll ask  Holland Polo [who got extra comforts  for Martinelli in prison]  to get me a cell in the sky, and see if she can get Saint  Peter  to work for me as a butler, because to go to a cell in  hell, that is to violate the Bible, since I have not been condemned. Ahhhh, I forgot. And since on Earth they are very likely to create rumors, I will ask [Martinelli spin doctor Camacho to be my heavenly spokesman and warn them that from hell I will sue. He will have to go to the Vatican and ask for my immediate beatification and canonization and to ask the pope on duty how much it costs to avoid all that long process to be declared holy. I want a picture of a statue of me, in the pose of a saint, so that Jehovah will see that the Pope idolizes me. That will help  I notice, for the umpteenth time: I’m more holy than that nun… I’m talking about Teresa of Calcutta

The problem is going to be how to settle my accounts with these people. Well, God will have to pay for them, after all, I am his son too. So I’ll send the bills to him.